Unfair situation

I think it's happening again, the one that happened to me while I'm taking my On-the-Job training last 2010, but this is worst.  I understand it when I was still a trainee, but now, it's not anymore.  It's boring here, I mean, there's nothing much to do, well of course I have, but it's like the work that is given to me can be finish in an hour, and  sometimes, less than an hour, and the rest is idle time, 8 hours of working is to much.  I have a driving force to keep me in this job, but still I also want an experience, a real experience.  I need a growth, I need to learn new things, but I can't get it.  Why I am always unlucky when in terms of acquiring a job.  It's seems I'm enjoying but the boring-ness is somewhat killing me.  If this still continue until my birthday comes, I have no choice but to quit this job.

Thanks to the owner of this phone, because that person made my night a blast.  With just a simple appreciation for my blog posts, she made me extremely  happy.  I really don't know how will I express the happiness I felt because of that appreciation, even words can't describe how happy I am.  So, then I just did something I am good at, I made a design, saying Thank you together with her favorite anime character.  And it turn out that she is now the one thanking me for what I did.  To cut the story short, we're both thankful for being friend with each other.

A while ago, it's only in her facebook wall, but now it's already in her phone.  I love it!

PS: Jireh Krisha Rapay is the name of that person :)

Defeat is just right beside me, waiting for me to recognize it.

I don't know why I don't have the power to change my wallpaper, I tried lately, but it turned out to put it back to her photo.

I am not given the chance to fight now because I'm destined to fight for someone someday.

I'm not given a chance to fight, but I still fought and now I realized that, well I should have realized earlier that I fought for battle that loses already, sounds like stupid but yeah I've done it.  It's not surrendering at all, but rather, I could say it's doing the right thing.  I am only giving pain to my self, in return I suffer.  It's okay to suffer if there is a reward waiting in the end, but in my part, I didn't see any reward waiting for me.  Well I used to see but I knew in my self that I only forced my self to believe that there is, and just hoping for a very impossible thing.  And now, it's time to stop giving pain to my self, and start cheering up, there is more to life like what I always saying.  If I focus only on one thing, I will surely miss other things that made this life beautiful and I know God doesn't want that to happened.  

God didn't gave me the chance to fight now because I'm destined to fight for someone someday.

The thing I must do, but I don't want.

I like you,

But you didn't like me

I recognize you,

But don't recognize me

I'm an idiot

And I know it

I became a fool

It's because of you

Yet I don't blame you

And still should have thanked you

For letting me experience

How sweet the feeling of love is

And from here, I must let go

Before it's too late

Though I don't want

I must do it.

Realization

Now I realized, suffering is useless.  If I suffer and punish my self by just mourning because of her, I'm a total idiot.  There's more to life, I always say that, and yes, there is!  If she's not for me then, she's not. I think I just over reacting when I think that she's the perfect one for me, my ideal girl.  She maybe the perfect one for me, but for her, I'm not, or even, I don't exist.  I already accepted the fact that I'm hopeless, and will never be recognized by her.  And from here, I must let go, before this feeling grow stronger.  I want to thank God and her for letting me experience this feeling again, because of that, I know in my self that I still know how to love.

Courage Toward Tomorrow

Asu He No Yuuki (Courage Toward Tomorrow)

Magic Knight Rayearth 1st Ending Theme

Vocals: Keiko Yoshinari

(English translation of the song)

With the best smile you have

Let's start pedaling really hard

Even if the wind wants to push you back

Don't be discouraged

A strength that wins over sorrow

You will be told softly

By aiming for the vast ocean

Go for it! Your eyes will someday

Bask in the light and start to shine

Turn your belief to go on

Do not give up the courage toward tomorrow

Stand with your back straight

Take a deep breath

If you always look down

Nothing changes

Straight along the rail of your heart

If you walk without looking back

Your dream will always come true

Go for it! Your tears will someday shine

Brighter than glittering jewels

Turn your pursuit for dreams

Without giving up the strength toward tomorrow

A strength that wins over sorrow

You will be told softly

By aiming for the vast ocean

Go for it! Your eyes will someday

Bask in the light and start to shine

Turn your belief to go on

Do not give up the courage toward tomorrow 

I lost without even having the chance to fight

It's finally over, right in front of me.  But I still want to hold on and to hope for that impossible thing to happen.  But in some other way, it gives me no choice but to quit.

A simple, yet impossible thing

As I wake up in the morning

I see a bright sunlight

Thinking that today will be a bright day,

looking forward for a special thing to happen.

But it seems that a bright day

is not always as bright as what I am right now

I'll be happy even just thinking of you,

but together with that happiness, it hurts inside.

I'm hoping only for a simple thing

and it's to be recognize by you.

And though it's only a simple wish

It seems impossible to happen.

Why it is sometimes, what we are giving

can't be given back to us?

We appreciate people the way they are

but why they can't recognize us?

I give every appreciation I see

and appreciated even the little things

But why it ends like this?

Felt no one appreciated me.

Sometimes there are things we really want

But we can't get it.

If we can't get it, we suffer

But still nothing will change.

I have no idea, why I feel like this

whether, this is real or not.

If this is not real, why do I suffer?

If this is real, still I suffer.

It's just the beginning

but I almost see the end.

I am trapped in a long lost tunnel

and the only way to the exit, is to give up.

It's hard to be strong
in a situation like this
It is dragging me down

giving me no choice but to quit.

I lied when I say I only want you to recognize me

But I want as well to be with you.

So even just one moment in my life,

I will feel complete.

A simple desire, A simple wish

A desire that can't be owned

A wish that can't be granted

Simple thing, but extraordinary feeling.

Desperate moves

I really don't know what is happening to me right now.  I am really desperate with her and I'm becoming more hopeless and helpless.  If this is not real, then why I feel like this?

It's now always happy moments

I was so unlucky this passed two days.  I've seen a post that almost affected my mood through out the day and I almost ran out of time making the ticket designs that is due last Friday before the dismissal time at the office.  On the second day, my phone got lost, the phone I used to listen music since I've sold my iPod for my guitar effects, I also use the phone for backing track when I do practice on my electric guitar, served also, obviously for communications with my family, friends, and my boss, but now it's gone, and it's very unfortunate.  I also didn't see the girl I like on the event I went off on the anime convention held at the World trade center Philippines.  

Karma is already on my way, the pay for all the wrong doings I've done.  I understand and deserve this.  I treat this as a lessons for me from God.  But I'm still hoping that all of these has a purpose, I know God has purpose for all these things that happened to me.  And I believe and trust God, that these unfortunate days will be paid of a greater and brighter tomorrow ahead.

11.11.11

November 11, 2011

I am a dead beat XD

I only just like her, but why it turn out like this.

Until I realized how unhappy I am

Hikari (Light)

Nabari No Ou 1st Ending Theme

Sung by: ELISA

Lyrics by: Nishida Emi

Music by: Sugimori Mai

Arrangement by: Maeguchi Wataru

(English Translation of the song)

The light that makes a journey to find love

Continues to chase after the future captured in my heart

If you open the hesitating door

You can walk into a new tomorrow

Painful memories

Sink deeply in the depths of my heart

The pain of loneliness

That no one else knows

Why do I always

Lose the most precious things?

The never-ending rain

Sings of sadness again

Ah, without anyone noticing

I wander aimlessly in this town

Hey, even though

The truth can't be seen

You should believe in the path within yourself, it's there

The light that makes a journey to find love

Continues to chase after the future captured in my heart

If you open the hesitating door

You can fly into a new tomorrow

A teardrop floats through the wind

The flowing clouds and the blue skies beyond my reaches

I look up, alone, and take a vow quietly

That I will live embracing the never-ending dream

The light that connects the faraway wish

It will surely bring hope and courage

Instead of counting the time that has passed

Let's make most of our time now

If your wish isn't granted and you are hurt

You just need to start over again from there, again and again

That's right, there isn't just one answer

You'll find happiness one day

To see people's happiness

I feel great even just helping other people build their own happiness, I feel honored even just making feel someone honorable, especially the one you like. I'm happy to know, I made a great thing, seeing people's smiles and laughter, expressing their own happiness.

Relaxing midnight

I miss my early college life, where I used to spend my time in socializing through internet, staying awake late midnight to play games and to chat with my online friends.  This is when the social networking site Friendster is on its peak.  Making Testomonials and Comments like a chat box, meeting total strangers and after some time became your best of friends, and guess what, who do you think will forget about this creating banner design like, "Thanks for the add."  

Honestly, this is the second best part of my life next to being a high school student, I used to socialize with people whom I don't know but, who cares, we share same interest and I'm comfortable even just chatting with them. I can clearly remember the relaxing feeling every midnight, browsing your profile in Friendster plus a relaxing anime music and plus a bunch of comments and testimonials pending to be replied.

I really like Friendster, a lot than Facebook, honestly.  Yes, it is actually true that Facebook is far greater than Friendster, but again, who cares, it's more comfortable for me to use Friendster because with that, I made some friends, from online friends to becoming real life friends.

If can just revisit the past, I will probably choose that time of my life as one of my destination, and if ever, I will visit it from time to time.  But time changes and we can't turn back the time, we just need to look forward for a new and brighter tomorrow.

Unexpected Encounter

We are heading to the comfort room in Level Up! Live 2011 held at World Trade Center when I saw these people in group cosplay, cosplaying the different characters from Ragnarok Online, I was staring each one of them, each characters, until my eyes turned to this specific character, a girl in cosplay of, I'm not sure what character it is because I'm not a player of Ragnarok Online, but I think it is a Rune Knight.  An ordinary girl but she really caught my attention specially when she smiled.  And up until I got home, I've been thinking of this girl, even though I just saw her in just a couple of minutes.  Well, I'm hoping to see her again, but as far as know I'm hoping for a very impossible thing, really impossible but this unexpected encounter made my day a great day.