Am I just overreacting?

Upper back pain together with chest pain plus difficulty in breathing, I really couldn't manage to walk any next steps again but I need to. I was so scared, I really thought of dying, I don't know what to do. When I arrived home, I just greet my parents and went to my room directly, Mom followed me in my room, asking me if I'm okay and what happened. "Mom, my back hurts, it's really hard to breathe, it's hard to stand, please can you give me a bottle of water." From that time, I really don't want to sleep because I think, I'm breathing because in my mind, I'm saying to breath, so if my mind went to sleep, I might couldn't breathe anymore. I don't know if I'm just over reacting or whatever, but I was really scared because, my mind is set to "I'm dying."

I can't explain what I really feel that time, but I was really scared, I don't want to die yet, I don't want to leave my parents, friends and especially my girlfriend. I think this was cause by anxiety and stress and most probably will be back in my rhythm after a couple of days and weeks

As soon as I'm already capable

The more I think that I don't want to stay on this organization anymore is the more I'm being hype on starting my own income generator or shall I say business. I swear that I won't be an employee forever or a manager or team leader who is under a person called boss. I want to be a boss of my own business. It's not that I don't want to work on a certain organization at all, but for a person like me who value life, balance for both work and life is very important to me. Well actually, life is more important to me than work, but how will I live if I will not work, ironic isn't it? But it's a fact. That's why I want to own and start my own business as soon as I can. By having this, I can control my time and have more time on my personal life while less thinking of how will I live or support my needs. Having a business is yes, stressful at first, but later on if it succeeds, you will succeed as well. It's convenient, because while you're having a business you can still find some part time jobs for extra income and that would make you enough bucks to buy not only your needs but also your wants. During college, my course thought me and inspires me to do this thing, with the knowledge I learn from college, I'll need to apply it on this. I'm not planning to have a big business, I don't want to complicate my life on creating big organization, it will give me more money but it will also give me stress, problems, enemy, and will leave me "having no life person," and I don't want that to happen, I just want a right size business that will give me enough funds to support my living in the future.

Random thoughts

There are times that I used to think of going on a journey to learn more and to gain more knowledge on this world. There are some mysteries I want to learn more about, there are questions in my mind that I myself is seeking for an answer. Some things that I never experienced but I want to experience and try out. My mind is sometimes full of questions of mysteries on this world and universe. My mind is so random, I sometimes thought of games, boys, girls, good things, bad things, science, religion, God and many other things, but all of them ended up in one question, how did it begin? Where is the source of all this? The origin? Why and Where? And now I ended up on this conclusion, that there are really things and question that the answer doesn't exist, things that no one knows why and where was originated and would be better to just leave behind and leave as it is, because as I seek more on this things, the more they are going far with me. They are made to confuse us. I'll be just wasting my time if I over think about things like this and might forget that there are other things in life that I should care for and just like I said, it's better to just leave them behind because I know, these thing are here for certain reason, and the reason is not for us to know about.

Biggest turn off

I really don't like girls who drink alcohol more than than their father, smoke cigarettes like there is no tomorrow or speak bad words just like it's already been natural for their everyday conversation. I don't know but sometimes, when I got to have a crush with a girl and suddenly found out that she got the traits I've described above, the crush feeling I feel for her will suddenly, without any second thought fades and end up forgetting about her. It's just like what happened to my latest ex girlfriend, yes I can say that I really love her, but suddenly, those traits above just began to come out, I didn't know that she drinks alcohol that much and she can say bad words that rudely. Beating out my defenseless friend with her sharp tongue, tripping out other people even though she don't know, and being rude with my buddies and mates. I don't know if she's aware of it but those traits were enough reasons for my love to fade. I don't want to sound bitter but I just choose to discuss my past experience as an example for the topic of this post.

At times like this

There are really times when you really miss someone that much that you feel like you're going to explode because of that extreme feeling. Like what's happening right now, I'm extremely missing my girlfriend, yes really that much, superlative isn't? But yes, I wanna see her, hold her tight and never let go. Talk to her, tease her that will end up hugging each other. I want to feel her skin against mine, her warm embrace, hold hands with each other until our hands get sweat.

The feeling when we used to hug each, my head over her forehead and then end up kissing her forehead and will say I love you. There is silence between us, letting our feelings to clamor, expressing it through actions. The stare I give to you with thoughts in mind saying, you are mine, only mine. The happiness I feel when you are beside me, when we are together. The feeling in my heart that even words can't explain when I'm thinking of you. All of these feelings are real, I feel it and it's so right.

By her Handkerchief

By just holding her handkerchief with me, I can already feel her presence. By just looking at her photos my heart is rejoicing. With just simple things from her, I can already feel her. Well it's just mean that I really love her, I really can't deny my feeling for her and there's no way for me to deny it, I love her and I loved loving her. 

I know this is too early to say this but I think and I feel that I really love her so much, that much. I love her unconditionally, I love her for no reason, I accept her as she is and I'm really happy being with her. I miss her everyday, most of the time she is on my mind, day dreaming of being with her when we're not together. Reminiscing the time when we used to hang out, hug and kiss each other.

I can feel it, her presence

I know this is crazy but every time I'm seeing this handkerchief and smells the perfume on it, I can feel the presence of its owner, my girlfriend. Every time I hold it, It feels like I'm also holding her hands and when I sleep, I sleep with it by my side, it gives me a comfortable feeling, just like when we're together.