Unfair situation

I think it's happening again, the one that happened to me while I'm taking my On-the-Job training last 2010, but this is worst.  I understand it when I was still a trainee, but now, it's not anymore.  It's boring here, I mean, there's nothing much to do, well of course I have, but it's like the work that is given to me can be finish in an hour, and  sometimes, less than an hour, and the rest is idle time, 8 hours of working is to much.  I have a driving force to keep me in this job, but still I also want an experience, a real experience.  I need a growth, I need to learn new things, but I can't get it.  Why I am always unlucky when in terms of acquiring a job.  It's seems I'm enjoying but the boring-ness is somewhat killing me.  If this still continue until my birthday comes, I have no choice but to quit this job.

Thanks to the owner of this phone, because that person made my night a blast.  With just a simple appreciation for my blog posts, she made me extremely  happy.  I really don't know how will I express the happiness I felt because of that appreciation, even words can't describe how happy I am.  So, then I just did something I am good at, I made a design, saying Thank you together with her favorite anime character.  And it turn out that she is now the one thanking me for what I did.  To cut the story short, we're both thankful for being friend with each other.

A while ago, it's only in her facebook wall, but now it's already in her phone.  I love it!

PS: Jireh Krisha Rapay is the name of that person :)

Defeat is just right beside me, waiting for me to recognize it.

I don't know why I don't have the power to change my wallpaper, I tried lately, but it turned out to put it back to her photo.

I am not given the chance to fight now because I'm destined to fight for someone someday.

I'm not given a chance to fight, but I still fought and now I realized that, well I should have realized earlier that I fought for battle that loses already, sounds like stupid but yeah I've done it.  It's not surrendering at all, but rather, I could say it's doing the right thing.  I am only giving pain to my self, in return I suffer.  It's okay to suffer if there is a reward waiting in the end, but in my part, I didn't see any reward waiting for me.  Well I used to see but I knew in my self that I only forced my self to believe that there is, and just hoping for a very impossible thing.  And now, it's time to stop giving pain to my self, and start cheering up, there is more to life like what I always saying.  If I focus only on one thing, I will surely miss other things that made this life beautiful and I know God doesn't want that to happened.  

God didn't gave me the chance to fight now because I'm destined to fight for someone someday.

The thing I must do, but I don't want.

I like you,

But you didn't like me

I recognize you,

But don't recognize me

I'm an idiot

And I know it

I became a fool

It's because of you

Yet I don't blame you

And still should have thanked you

For letting me experience

How sweet the feeling of love is

And from here, I must let go

Before it's too late

Though I don't want

I must do it.

Realization

Now I realized, suffering is useless.  If I suffer and punish my self by just mourning because of her, I'm a total idiot.  There's more to life, I always say that, and yes, there is!  If she's not for me then, she's not. I think I just over reacting when I think that she's the perfect one for me, my ideal girl.  She maybe the perfect one for me, but for her, I'm not, or even, I don't exist.  I already accepted the fact that I'm hopeless, and will never be recognized by her.  And from here, I must let go, before this feeling grow stronger.  I want to thank God and her for letting me experience this feeling again, because of that, I know in my self that I still know how to love.

Courage Toward Tomorrow

Asu He No Yuuki (Courage Toward Tomorrow)

Magic Knight Rayearth 1st Ending Theme

Vocals: Keiko Yoshinari

(English translation of the song)

With the best smile you have

Let's start pedaling really hard

Even if the wind wants to push you back

Don't be discouraged

A strength that wins over sorrow

You will be told softly

By aiming for the vast ocean

Go for it! Your eyes will someday

Bask in the light and start to shine

Turn your belief to go on

Do not give up the courage toward tomorrow

Stand with your back straight

Take a deep breath

If you always look down

Nothing changes

Straight along the rail of your heart

If you walk without looking back

Your dream will always come true

Go for it! Your tears will someday shine

Brighter than glittering jewels

Turn your pursuit for dreams

Without giving up the strength toward tomorrow

A strength that wins over sorrow

You will be told softly

By aiming for the vast ocean

Go for it! Your eyes will someday

Bask in the light and start to shine

Turn your belief to go on

Do not give up the courage toward tomorrow