Just a text and my heart smiled

These, the things I want to say to you

I feel sad for the reason that I don't even know. 

Is there someone I'm missing? 

Is there someone I want to talk to?

Is there someone I am longing for?

Or is there someone I always think about everyday? ...

I don't know if this feeling can be now called love and it's bit early to conclude. But I know and I'm sure, every time we're talking by any means, I feel happy. I care about you, I want you to be always happy as much as possible for most of the time, I want to hug you so tight so I can comfort you, because I know what you are experiencing right now is too tough for you to handle alone and that's the least I could do.

My heart breaks on that moment you said you are going to avoid the person you think you are falling to, the fact that I know that it is me that you are referring to. I am aware that you have just gone into a previous relationship and I am honestly somewhat afraid, that one day, you will go back with him and forget everything about me.

This is not my normal self, I don't usually care about people except from my family and friends, but you just got my whole attention.  Started with just one text message and now I'm longing for your messages, our non sense talks, sad conversation, all of the sudden laughter, phone conversation, our sweet talks and you, yourself.

I already came to the point, where falling stops, I mean, I'm already at the bottom where there is no ladder, stairs, rope or others things to go up. I think of you at the most random time, the moment I wake up in the morning,  thinking if you're alright, from the time I'm going to sleep at night wondering if you are already asleep. And the time I am doing this blog entry, 'til the time you are able to read this, I think of you.

These, the things I want to say to you...

Will I be a loser in the end?

I didn't know what happened, it's month away after I met a girl and now I'm falling. I fell in love for the reason that I don't even know. It just came here, I felt it and I my self can't help it, leaving me no choice but to accept and embrace this feeling that I haven't feel for a long time.

Too much for the introduction. I finally said it to her, the feeling that I'm hiding, that I'm falling for her. And the result is, everything went fine, we feel the same way with each other, I'm falling for her and she is also falling for me and nothing has changed, nothing has ruined, friendship remained and we are both happy for what we've learned.

We're chatting, texting and even do talking through phone calls, we share laughter, ideas, experiences, stories and even nonsense things. Everyday I fall for her, everyday, I'm learning to fall even deeper for her until I came to this thing that's bothering me, I know it's wrong for me to feel or think this because we are not into any relationship, but I just can't stop thinking on it. Am I doing the right thing, am I in the right track, will I be not the loser in the end?

She just broke up with her ex-boyfriend a month ago after we met and now it's already been two months have passed. I know she loves that boy that much but left her no choice but to leave him. It's been two months but I know the break-up is still fresh, that there is still a feeling left for him, because according to what she said to me, there is only one boy and relationship that she got serious to, and that was her previous relationship with her ex-boyfriend.I can't stop thinking that any moment, her feelings with that boy might come back leaving left behind.

Am I doing the right thing?

 Am I in the right track? 

Will I be a loser in the end?

And it's wrong for me to feel this way

"I know it can never be, more than friends, you and me, but why do I feel this way. Catch me, I'm falling for you and I don't know what to do."

Friendship that started with a text.

Just last two weeks, there is this one person who texted me, unknown number, no name appeared in my phone, saying "Hi kuya Nath." I was, "who the hell is this?" By the way, I'm always like this whenever an unknown number/person is texting me. But later on, that person said that she's the one from "Hokago Tea Time," the previous and last band I joined on the casual online game, Band Master.

We texted with each other, I registered to unlimited texting so the conversation will last long. We shared random thoughts, telling random stories and we even talked about nonsense things. We almost became close virtually, through Facebook chat and mobile texting. Well, I know in myself that I'm not used into this kind of things, I'm referring to texting, but it's just that whenever I talked/text/chat with her, I just feel happy, well for the reason is, I exactly don't know, but I guess, it's because I liked her.

Yes I like her. Just when we became friends on Facebook, honestly that time, I already liked her, because from what I feel and see, she is a simple and cute girl. I learned later on that she is also a straight forward girl, based on what I'm seeing on her posts on Facebook, she is directly posting on her ex-boyfriend's wall what she feels, especially when they have an argument with each other. And just recently, I listened to one of her covers, I know that she sings, but until I listened to her cover, I never knew that she sings very well, I almost fell in love with the voice, I even repeated her cover for several times.

And just now, I invited her if she can accompany on Thursday at Mall of Asia, I'll just need to buy a video game and so that we can meet with each other. Yes we still haven't meet each other in person, Well, she said that she already saw me, but from a long range view. But then, unfortunately, she can't come, but it's okay because I know there will always be a next time.

Lunch Box's First Win!

Same things are happening, nothing is happening

I can't really stay here for so long, I am dying mentally and psychologically here. With just same things happening every work days, nothing will really happen to me. I only do, nothing but nothing. Yes indeed, I;m doing nothing every weekdays, as if, it's like wasting all the time I spent in college in this rectangular

Wrong move

One of my greatest regret in my life is, having you as my girlfriend before.  I guess my emotion just carried me out on those days and the feeling is just not strong enough, it's just my imaginary feeling of loneliness that triggers it all. 

And I realized just now that, sorry for the harsh word, but your're not really worth of my time and effort and I guess my love as well. Just want to say this, and I don't want to bother and waste more time typing all the things about you, saying this as my main point is enough already.

Even as a Gamer

For that person who thinks that me, as a gamer, there's nothing more important thing than playing video games, you're absolutely wrong, I am saying to you, I know when to stop playing games and I know when is the right and wrong time to play the video games.  I stop playing when an important friend chatted or messaged me, especially those want to share problems or even some stuffs.  I know how to bond with my friends, if I am in the middle of extreme gaming and a friend calls for a hang out, I always go for it and I stop playing, besides, I can still continue after that.  I also stop playing video games when there is a family gathering, even simple and small ones.  Gatherings like, hanging out in the sala, singing or just chit-chatting.  So, for you who thinks that there is nothing more important to me than games, I proved you wrong, I guess it's just because of your experience with me is the reason why you have said that.  Remember that I only stop playing and pay attention if that person/people or thing is worth spending my time.