What path should I take?

I want to create my own career path but I don't know where to start, I even don't know exactly what I want to become, I said I want to be business owner someday, but I don't know what kind of business I am talking about, I want to become a manager or shall I say a team leader but where and in what organization?

I don't know if I need to find an opportunity to start my career path or I think it's more of building my own opportunity to start up my career path. But as of now, I need to know what I want, what I really want to do and to become and the moment I already knew what I am up to, then I think the door leading in the career I want will open on its own.

Acceptance

Acceptance is difficult, it's like carrying a huge rock with you, that a single person can't even lift it up. But I somehow manage to do it, but still it is heavy for me and I know anytime I could choose to give up, but as long as there is reason that giving me strength to hold on, then giving up is never a choice or an option.

List of things I want to achieve/to do in my life

1. Play video games that I want                                  - Done/ Still on going

2. Jam with a band and perform in stage                    - Done/ Still on going

3. Inspire people and my self                                     - Done/ Still on going

4. Let other people know that God is awesome         - Done/ Still on going

5. Finish studies (to graduate in college)                    - Done

6. Become a manager/team leader                            - Still on the journey

7. Have my own business                                         - when number 6 is done, I will start doing this.

8. Have my own family                                             - when number 7 is successful, I will do this.

9. Enjoy life.   - when all of the above things are done, I can say that I really enjoyed my life, though right now I know that I am enjoying my life and living my life to the fullest and I am contented with it.                                                                                                                         

If not today, then someday

Why did I choose to enter this kind of situation? I always have an option to take another route but I did pursue it. 

I've always been avoiding any uncertain situation ever since, and if ever I do, I make sure that I will go out on it no matter what. Now, I even don't want to think about it, but I am in somewhat uncertain situation, well not really an uncertain situation, or shall I say, not an uncertain situation in my part, but still I don't want to go out with this, because I know that someday this situation I am with will turn out to be okay and I'll just need to wait for it.

I am an ISTJ person

Because I was always curious of what kind of person I am, how I think and how act towards with others, I took a personality exam. I was an ISTJ person.

Introverted - generally prefer interacting with a few close friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances, and they expend energy in social situations.

Sensing - tend to be more concrete than abstract. They focus their attention on the details rather than the big picture, and on immediate realities rather than future possibilities.

Thinking - tend to value objective criteria above personal preference. When making decisions, they generally give more weight to logic than to social considerations.

Judging - tend to plan their activities and make decisions early. They derive a sense of control through predictability.

So I was, "what was that?" Well it's because I really don't know what personality I have.  People say that it's hard to describe your own self and if you want to know your self, have it described by someone you are close with because they are the one who really knew you. But well, this is the result of what kind of person I am, I don't want to say I believe it because the fact that I really don't know, but, I'll just let you decide whether this test result is right or wrong.

A birthday gift

Birthday Gift

A gift for my birthday, from a special friend. This song really made me smile and smile even more when I heard the part where she sung "Nothing's gonna stop us." Thank you, Patricia Adrienne :)

If ever

I don't know why, but there is a feeling inside me saying that, I want to spend the rest of life with you in the future. I have a feeling that says, I can wait even how long it takes, for the day that I can say that you are mine and I'm yours finally. I know this is too early for me to think of or this is just a lame thought of mine. I know as time passes by, people change, things change, even feelings change and we can't control it. I always believe that all beginnings has its end and not doubt about it. No one can say what will happen on the next two, three or more days to come or even the years that yet to come. Not all plans are turned on the way we want it should be, there are a lot of surprises, a lot of things that you are not expecting but will come. But, I want that what I am feeling right now will remain unchanged even time will pass by, I want it to stay, I want this to remain forever. I don't want that this closeness we have right now will turn us into being stranger after a long while. I don't want to be just the one who stepped into you your life and will go out after sometime, I want to stay in your life. I would want to reach to the point, where we can be together, with no worries or any conflict, no problems nor any hindrances and other people that will suffer for the sake of our own happiness. I can't see or say what will happen in the future, but if ever time will allow us, I want to live my life with you.

I can wait forever, if you say you'll be there too.

I am single and happy

Just taking some break during office hours

A night to remember

Last night was a blast, because I was with  someone. At last, we finally met in person. She was not that small at all, her height was just perfect for me to hug her. It was an unexpected date, bonding, get together, meeting (or whatever you want to call it) with her. 

She texted me if we can meet up, and without any second thought, I replied her "yes." I was so excited, my heart is beating so fast, I  suddenly become conscious with my look because of the fact that this was really unexpected and I was not physically prepared at all. I almost went to the comfort room many times, arranging my hair and clothes. And it was finally dismissal time in our office, heavy traffic is on the way but it does not become a hindrance for our meeting. I arrived at the place where we should meet and then I saw her standing on a corner, there a girl, the girl I loved.

We should be going to Market Market but we ended up going the Bonifacio Highstreet instead. A beautiful and perfect place to hang out and to relieve stress. We sat on a somewhat bench there, we talk, share stories, do some joking and throwing some cheesy lines. It was real, the conversation, I am not reading it, I can already hear it with her voice, it was relaxing, I had a lot of fun.

But time is limited and we need to say good bye, we made our last minutes of being together worthwhile, we held hands, her hands was warm and I love holding it. I hugged her and she hugged me back, I felt her love, it was an unexplainable feeling. Then we finally say good bye to each other, the meeting was worth it and I know that this will not be the last time that we will be together.

Just some dates

March 27, 2012

It's was already late at night, my heart is somehow breaking, my whole self is filled with sadness when she said she's gonna avoid me. But the night didn't end just like that, with my heart is in burst, I confessed, I said that I'm falling for her that turned out her to also confessed that she is nearly falling for me.

March 31, 2012

Meeting was already done, my self is bothered, I am worried to her, deactivating her account for no reason. And then we came to the point where all the revelations must be revealed, I was shocked, I can't imagine, mixed emotion is all over my self and I don't know what to do, but in the end, the truth didn't let my feelings to fade away, I accepted her and the revelation didn't change a thing with us.

April 11, 2012

It was around 4 o'clock in the afternoon, tired and was so sleepy, with few aches nagging in my head, then I received a message, a message that brought me alive, we will meet, for the first time, at last, the long longing for her will now come to end. And then, finally, I met her, not virtually but for real. I hugged her, she hugged me back, we held hand, love was shown, love was felt and it's when the reality becomes more better than dreaming.

I've fallen and I'm loving it

I am happy for what I feel right now, even though I don't know where this feeling might go through, that this feeling might just go to nothing. I've fallen in love, to a girl whom to my eyes, I can see as a perfect person. 

I didn't know that I will come again to this point where I will learn to love again; And now it's here, it is here for me to hold on to. I love this girl, I find my self happy whenever I talk to her even it's just only through text messages, online chatting and sometimes a phone call. I misses her when we are not texting or chatting. I ended up thinking about her everyday. I want to hug her so that I can say that I am no longer dreaming and because reality is now much better than dreaming, I want to hug her so that she can feel my love I have for her. I want to see her, I want to see her smile, I want to say to her personally that I love her and to hear her saying back to me that she loves me as well.

Because of this feeling, because of her, I find that my life is not really boring at all. I've been inspired and now I've already broken out of my routine. I've fallen and I'm loving it.

Just a text and my heart smiled

These, the things I want to say to you

I feel sad for the reason that I don't even know. 

Is there someone I'm missing? 

Is there someone I want to talk to?

Is there someone I am longing for?

Or is there someone I always think about everyday? ...

I don't know if this feeling can be now called love and it's bit early to conclude. But I know and I'm sure, every time we're talking by any means, I feel happy. I care about you, I want you to be always happy as much as possible for most of the time, I want to hug you so tight so I can comfort you, because I know what you are experiencing right now is too tough for you to handle alone and that's the least I could do.

My heart breaks on that moment you said you are going to avoid the person you think you are falling to, the fact that I know that it is me that you are referring to. I am aware that you have just gone into a previous relationship and I am honestly somewhat afraid, that one day, you will go back with him and forget everything about me.

This is not my normal self, I don't usually care about people except from my family and friends, but you just got my whole attention.  Started with just one text message and now I'm longing for your messages, our non sense talks, sad conversation, all of the sudden laughter, phone conversation, our sweet talks and you, yourself.

I already came to the point, where falling stops, I mean, I'm already at the bottom where there is no ladder, stairs, rope or others things to go up. I think of you at the most random time, the moment I wake up in the morning,  thinking if you're alright, from the time I'm going to sleep at night wondering if you are already asleep. And the time I am doing this blog entry, 'til the time you are able to read this, I think of you.

These, the things I want to say to you...